Monday, August 5, 2013

Bejeweled Be Gone

I did something kind crazy the other day, I deleted all the games from my phone.  Now I understand that it wasn't really all that crazy.  It wasn't heli-skiing crazy or Costco on a Saturday crazy or even wanting to be President crazy.  I realize as I am typing that it was 100% first world "crazy."  I think that it was about $4.96 down the drain, probably more with tax but if time is money, then the amount of time I spent trying to unblock a little red rectangle or make the world's largest fruit salad or mine for jewels I would never actually hold should have earned me millions.  But it didn't.

In all actuality it lost me a great deal.  I realized that my quest to be a level 37 gem master made me look away from my son more often that look toward him.  It made me choose a pointless point system rather than working on my business.  It made me set goals that would get me no where instead of spending time with my husband, which at the end of every day is my ultimate goal, quality time with my husband.  I also realize I am saying "it made me" as if Apple was actually making my decisions for me, I know that it was my choice but when choices become habits they have the ability to switch the controls on you before you even notice.

I had always justified my game-time as a chance to "turn my brain off."  Truthfully there are more days where my mind is just as exhausted as my body when I carry around my 27 lb. 9-month-old for the whole day answering questions that the kids I nanny for ask and thinking to myself if I hear "why?" one more time I might just quit all the things.  But then I started asking myself if I was honoring the mind and gifts I was given by wasting away with the screen in my hands.  I realized that I was so saddened by the people I love giving more of their attention to a swirling vortex of some sort of candy land/tetris/7 dwarfs' workplace conglomeration as opposed to their kids, grandkids and friends, both happy and hurting right in front of them.

I realized that if I was going to ask my husband to stop paying so much attention to trucks and guitars for sale on Craiglist because he wanted to turn his brain off, I was going to have to remove my mind's off-switch as well.

So I started reading again.  I have read three books in the last four weeks.  I know that that might sound like very few but I am not a fast reader and I have a little kid so that's a lot for me.  I started to remember how much I love walking.  This last week, Noah and I spoke at Cascades Camp and I walked everywhere and it was so wonderful.  Granted, we had a kick-butt stroller we borrowed from friends (thanks Kiersten & Ryan!) and anyone wanting to donate a BOB Revolution to the cause is more than welcome, but that wasn't the point.  Even though nothing remarkable happened on those walks, no sudden revelation of clarity, no beam from Heaven, I listened to my son sing to himself and wave at the trees and I was happy.

Also, I started (today) a challenge that Keith Ferrin issued our church in order to begin to love reading the Bible.  I am going to try my hardest to read Philippians every day for a month.  I read it out loud today to Soren and he smiled at me while I made wild hand gestures and laughed when I laughed at Paul's little inside pieces of information.  I'm loving it already and I'm excited for September 5th when it will be as much a part of me as breathing.  So much more a part of my story than any saga regarding candy or diamonds ever will be.

Do I still get distracted?  Of course.  Do I still want nights to turn my brain off?  Obviously.  Am I saying this out loud to show you how awesome I am?  No, because I'm not sure anyone even reads this.  I'm saying it to remind myself that I am imperfect and that the idea of perfect is nothing but a perfect enemy.  But that doesn't mean I give up, that means I can do more with the time and gifts I've been given.  Not to mention, Soren just took his first steps, I guess I'll have to take up running :)