Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Diary of a weepy mom

So the news is out, we are pregnant with baby #2 and while I get to do fun things like throw up if I chew too much, Noah gets the day in and day out task of listening to me cry.  This is something new to this pregnancy, and there have, in the last 10 weeks, been many legitimate reasons to cry in my life.

Don't worry, I'm not going to rail you with sob stories and hope that in the end you and I are simultaneously healed of all previous hurt, I hope to make you laugh.  Because truthfully, I didn't experience these with Soren, which makes it even stranger when I'm walking through Fred Meyer and begin to get choked up at the fact I can't pull off really red lipstick.

So here they are, volume one of the things that have made me weepy so far, I hope they make you cry with laughter.

  1. The physics of speed skating - That's right, I was listening to an NPR piece on the physics of speed skating in the Olympics and began to cry in my car because of how amazing physics really is. I mean think about it, gravity, inertia, torque, they might as well be a Nicholas Sparks novel.
  2. My lack of a miter saw - My good friend Kiersten called and asked if we had a miter saw because she had to trim her new blinds.  We don't.  The sheer injustice of not having that tool for my friend to borrow was too much for me that day, so I cried, a lot.
  3. Cronuts - They aren't the legitimate ones from NYC but they came in a box of four for $5 and I didn't have to walk any further into the store to get my pastry fix.  I was so glad that Jesus obviously was looking out for me that day, seeing as He is always interested in my parking spots, fried pastry cravings and powerball numbers, I wept over that fried, glazed, croissant-donut hybrid like He did at Lazarus' tomb.  
  4. Ben Kingsley and I aren't friends - I had a really vivid dream one night that Sir Kingsley and I were at his house sharing recipes and jokes and dipping our toes into his mid-living room zen pool, talking about what it was like to do Sneakers, it was the best of times.  Sadly, I awoke to realize there was no real chance of us becoming friends and that is upsetting no matter if you're pregnant or not.
  5. Nepal in the Olympics - No, Nepal won no medals.  But I was watching to opening ceremony and the guy who was holding the flag from Nepal was a brick-layer by trade who was tapped by the Nepalese government to train for three months to become a cross-country skiier.  I find that story amazing and frankly I would have rather listened to Bob Costas tell me that story through beleaguered and puffy eyes than just hear Matt Lauer say, "He won't win, he's just here for his country."  NBC!!!  Don't tell me more about Bode Miller's self-imposed sob story, tell me the story about the brick layer from Nepal!  They didn't, so I cried.
  6. McDonalds cheeseburgers - I have a really hard time eating meat in my first trimester so like all good first-world, pressured to be thin, healthy eating, kale craving, pinterest pinning, guilt-ridden, snack-sneaking pregnant moms I have tried getting my protein in healthy ways. However, one day last week the lack of meat was just too much and I needed something.  For me, the smell of it cooking is enough to drive me away so I needed something with little meat that I didn't have to smell and could consume quickly, enter two measly McDonald's cheeseburgers which I ate in the parking lot in my car in utter shame mixed with nauseous relief.  Seriously moms, this crap has to stop.
  7. Last but not least - Climate Change - I have shed more than a few unnecessary but  still real tears over people's stupid, yes stupid, Facebook statuses that say something along the lines of "Boy, I sure wish Global Warming would show up here soon!"  No one uses the term Global Warming any more, it's called Climate Change. Just because it isn't warm where you are doesn't mean the carbon we emit into the atmosphere isn't changing it.  And think about it, a Climate is a measure of weather trends over a long span, say ten years.  If ten years ago your southern state wasn't having blizzards in January and they are now, that would be an example of Climate Change.  Stop fighting it, your ignorance is making me angry cry.
So that's my list for now, I'm sure it will go on.  I know you can make all the suppositions you like from the fact I'm so weepy and you can give me all the "non-weepy" mommy advice you like.  But until you can tell me about the man from Nepal, you'll probably just make me cry :)

I hope you laughed.